I've figured out that I'm an acquired taste.
This pretty much applies to all facets of my life. I'm not the person that is going to immediately turn your head when I walk past you on the street, when you see me in a bar, or sitting 3 rows in front of you in class. I might not be the person that you "just have to have" come to your party. I'm not going to increase your party's popularity by much. I'm not tagged in the "LAST SEMESTER EVER!" photo album on your Facebook page.
I always used to wonder how I even made this far socially. Why have I had relationships? Why is it that I've made the friends that I have? Why have some come and gone who are the ones who haven't yet and probably never will?
It comes down to repeatability. Whether it's controlled or just comes about by random luck.
I've found that people that are around me on multiple occasions tend to gradually warm up to me and realize that, whether it is a sexual attraction or a friendship, there is more to me than they originally may have thought.
Only once in my dating career did a relationship start virtually after one meeting. And it was the only time I had enough guts to ask her for her number after only seeing her just once. A majority of my friendships have developed from someone being around me on many occasions and gradually realizing that I'm a compatible person. In contrast, people that are around me only once or twice may be friendly and converse with me, but at the end of the day they probably don't even remember who I am.
Why does this happen? That's a good question. I wish I had an answer for it. I mean, I don't act any differently around someone at our fifth meeting than I do at our third. I don't look any different when you see me for the tenth time than I did the second time (unless, of course, you haven't seen me in years).
The only thing that I believe may explain this phenomenon is the fact that I am quite a hybrid human being. You can't put me in a clique. You can't put me in a physical appearance category. One time you might look at me and think "Damn! I don't remember him looking that good." Then the next time you see me you'll think, "Was I drunk?" I fully understand. I'm the same way with myself.
Sometimes I'm satisfied with my looks; other times I'm unhappy.
Sometimes I want to belong; other times, well, fuck wanting to belong.
You may think that this is a natural occurrence. "Well of course you are like that. Everyone is like that. People have varying emotions all the time."
With me it's different. It almost feels like a daily event. Who am I going to be today?
I have the mind of a man in the middle. I'm from the country but you can't call me a cowboy. I'm an athlete but not a jock. I like chick flicks and 90's boy band music but I'm not gay. I listen to metal but I'm not Goth. I'm alternative but not punk. A dork but not a nerd. A fan but not a fanatic.
I could go on all day. I'm a social orphan. I don't have a home. And in reality taking an honest look at my closest group of friends reveals some of the same attributes about them. It's like we've created our own "Hooverville" of social dimorphism. It's both encouraging and discouraging.
So maybe the main reason I'm an acquired taste is because people have to take quite a few sips to get the true flavor, and by then, they're too drunk to know any better.